The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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