The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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