The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
