If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
