What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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