i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
