I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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