You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
