I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
