I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
