U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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