Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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