you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
