Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize