Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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