You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
