I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
