i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
