He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
