My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
