omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
