I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
