Even the bartender felt bad for me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
be right there i have to get my cape
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
