he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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