Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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