Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
