dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize