God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
