her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
