All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
