I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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