If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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