Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize