im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
