haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
