Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
