I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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