Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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