weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
