Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
