This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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