Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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