I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
