like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize