I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
