All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize