Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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