I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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