If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We had sex on a dog bed..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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