You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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