i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
