party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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