Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
