At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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