Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
