Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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