I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
