My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize