put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
