I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
