I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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