Sponge bath it is.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
