worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
