my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Rumble strips road head = magical
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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