I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found your dick twin last night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
