Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
