I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
