How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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