me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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