Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
