If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
