you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
