She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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