so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
