So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that's an acceptable place to lick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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