How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
