No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize