there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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