I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
