Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
soo... how was my night?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
