anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize