I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
