just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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