i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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