Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
