worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
