to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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