Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
