There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
operation harelip BJ is a go
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
