I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize