I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
