Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize