Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
