Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
