so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
