I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
