Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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