we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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