i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
COCAINE IS GR8
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize